Thursday, August 28, 2014

Draft 4



The Way My Heart Expects The Worst

Like our shelter dog who cringed
every time we discovered her
sitting on the couch -
my heart holds its breath
waiting for the blow.

It’s ridiculous, really. 
The way my heart
expects the worst.

It’s a new client. 
That’s probably why
the delay leads to daydreams
of catastrophe. 
They owe me. 

Is it the money?
Or my husband’s dismay? 
Or the way my heart expects
to be made a fool?

Running to catch a train
even though I’m early
(I’ve been trained
to expect the worst.)
The minutes tick
and I recall my trust. 

Of course they’ll pay me. 
Then the fever will subside. 
Until the next “lost” email
or the call that never comes.
What damage lives inside me
waiting?

Waiting on the secretary to process forms
the child in my heart wants
to punch her in the face. 
Seven hundred dollars disappear.
I freelance for nothing.

Reggie smiles on his walk but
my heart doesn’t melt. 
The squirrel teases from the tree but
my heart doesn’t melt. 

Will it ever learn that it’s safe
to sit on the couch? 


© 2014 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved No more to read on this post. Even though Blogger says Read more!

Draft 3



What My Heart Expects

Like our shelter dog who cringed
every time we discovered her
sitting on the couch -
my heart holds its breath
waiting for the blow.

It’s ridiculous, really. 
The way my heart
expects the worst.

It’s a new client. 
That’s probably why
the delay leads to daydreams
of catastrophe. 
They owe me. 

Is it the money?
Or my husband’s dismay? 
Or the way my heart expects
to be made a fool.

Running to catch a train
even though I’m early
(because I’ve been trained
to expect the worst.)
The minutes tick
and I recall my trust. 

Of course they’ll pay me. 
Then the fever will subside. 
Until the next “lost” email
or the call that never comes.
What damage lives inside me
waiting?

Waiting on the secretary to process forms
the child in my heart wants
to punch her in the face. 
Seven hundred dollars disappear.
I freelance for nothing.

Reggie smiles on his walk but
my heart doesn’t melt. 
The squirrel teases from the tree but
my heart doesn’t melt. 

Will it ever learn that it’s safe
to sit on the couch? 


© 2013 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved No more to read on this post. Even though Blogger says Read more!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Draft Two



What My Heart Expects

Like our shelter dog who cringed
every time we discovered her
sitting on the couch -
my heart holds its breath
waiting for the blow.

It’s ridiculous, really. 
The way my heart
expects the worst.

It’s a new job. 
That’s probably why
the delay leads to daydreams
of catastrophe. 
They owe me. 
I’ve made myself vulnerable.
Is it the money I’ll lose?  Or
my husband’s dismay?  Or
the way my heart expects
to be made a fool.

The minutes tick
and I recall my trust.
Spending my own money.

Of course they’ll pay me. 
Then the fever will subside. 
But it waits, until the next time.
What virus lives inside waiting?

Waiting on the secretary to process forms
the child in my heart wants
to punch her in the face. 
Seven hundred dollars disappear.
I freelance for nothing.

Reggie smiles on his walk but
my heart doesn’t melt. 
The squirrel teases from the tree but
my heart doesn’t melt. 

Will I ever learn that it's safe
to sit on the couch? 


 


© 2014 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved No more to read on this post. Even though Blogger says Read more!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Draft 1 from Poetry class Rooster Moans

My poetry class (Rooster Moans online class, I'd recommend it) asks us to post the drafts of poems online.  I'm glad this site doesn't get lots of views!  This is hard.  Here goes for draft one just written.



What My Heart Expects

Like our shelter dog who cringed
every time we discovered her
sitting on the couch -
my heart holds its breath
waiting for the blow.

It’s ridiculous, really. 
The way my heart
expects the worst.

It’s a new job. 
That’s probably why the delay
leads to daydreams of catastrophe. 
Is it the money I’ll lose?  Or
my husband’s dismay?  Or
the way my heart expects
to be made a fool.

Waiting on the secretary to process forms
the child in my heart wants
to punch her in the face. 
Seven hundred dollars disappear.
I work for nothing.

Reggie smiles on his walk but
my heart doesn’t melt. 
The squirrel teases from the tree but
my heart doesn’t melt. 

Will I ever learn that its safe
to sit on the couch? 
To trust others?
To trust life?










© 2014 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved No more to read on this post. Even though Blogger says Read more!

Sunday, June 22, 2014

A (very) brief history of Quakers



I've been attending a Quaker Meeting in my area..  I'm always impressed by the leadership and creativity of Quakers that I meet.    Is this because some Meetings don't have formal leadership and group members need to step into their own leadership and creativity?  I'm hoping more people discover that Quaker worship actually fits our contemporary world very well.  Their hour of silent worship has similarities to Buddhist meditation and mindfulness.  I've read that Carl Jung thought highly of Quakerism.  There are many ways that this religion aligns well with Jungian principles.
No more to read even if Blogger says Read more!

Friday, January 31, 2014

Love this story from Jung about his talk with Pueblo Indians


An Indian explained Sun worship and how the ceremonial dances helped the entire world.

Jung:

I then realized on what the “dignity,” the tranquil composure of the individual Indian, was founded. It springs from his being a son of the sun; his life is cosmologically meaningful, for he helps the father and preserver of all life in his daily rise and descent. If we set against this our own self-justifications, the meaning of our own lives as it is formulated by our reason, we cannot help but see our poverty. Out of sheer envy we are obliged to smile at the Indians’ naiveté and to plume ourselves on our cleverness; for otherwise we would discover how impoverished and down at the heels we are. Knowledge does not enrich us; it removes us more and more from the mythic world in which we were once at home by right of birth.

Read more!